A lot of people talk to me about relationships. It makes sense, relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives.

When people usually talk to me about relationships, they usually are mentioning where their relationships are going wrong. Somebody has done something to wrong them, to hurt them, to pain them, and they want to know what to do. Sometimes they’re wondering if they should leave, if they should stay, how they can communicate with the person, among other things.

There’s a through-line to all of these problems though.

The focus is always on the other person.

Now, this isn’t to say that other people can’t wrong us, however, if we’re always looking at the other person’s behavior and trying to understand their intentions, that takes away time from us to do our own introspection.

When people get hurt, they usually want to know how the other person in the relationship could ever do something like that, so they ponder, and they try to connect the dots, but they usually just end up still feeling hurt.

That’s because there’s never a justification big enough in our eyes for someone else to hurt us.

So what we should do in this situation? Instead of trying to understand why the other person did what they did, we should take that time to understand our role in what happened.

When we understand how what happened affects us, we can take the necessary steps to heal. Essentially, you need to use your relationship for introspection.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself:


  • What can I learn from this event?
  • What can I do differently next time?
  • How can I bring healing to myself?
  • How did my actions affect this situation?
  • What needs to change?

Asking yourself empowering questions like this, brings the power back into your hands. Asking yourself questions like these, offer you the ability to come up with solutions instead of spiraling down into a “what if” cycle.

When it comes to relationships, we always need to turn in and ask ourselves empowering questions so that we’re always bringing our best into relationships. As far as the other person, if they also learn how to self-reflect, then it will help the relationship tremendously.

If both people are always self-reflecting, then there wouldn’t be blame and judgment being placed on each other, instead, there would always be the question, “What can I do differently?” And from there, both people in the relationship have the power to heal and grow.

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